I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
