pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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