a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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