the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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