I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
