i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
