Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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