Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
