i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
