id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Randomize
