he wants to bone in the snuggie
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
