That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Randomize
