Michael Bay diarrhea
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
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