The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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