WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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