its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
