ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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