you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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