if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
