theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
