Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
