I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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