one might say we're banned from that church
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
