He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Randomize
