he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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