Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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