so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
