The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
