his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
