just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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