Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
