dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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