i jhust puked up my retainher.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
