i barfeds in our rink
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
