Moan for me like Helen Keller
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
