did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
