you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
