My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
