I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
So vagazzling was a success
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
