you would pick up someone in the library
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
