the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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