Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
