Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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