she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
