I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
