Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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