This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
