Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
