Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
