another moral hangover. fuck.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
