I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
a search helicopter?!
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
