Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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