he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
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Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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