i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
