I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
