Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
