I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
