brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
