So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
