I just pynch a tree in the face
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
