I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
