You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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