I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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